Chapter 2
The Devil’s daughter raised in hell
The first thing I can remember in my life is a boyfriend of my mother by the name of Jay-Jay ejaculating in my face then wiping my face with my diaper and smothering me to drown out my cry. This boy friend also fooled with my sister. When my sister told she was accused of lying and was told she was just a spoilt brat trying to ruin her fun. My mother-changed boyfriends like most people change there under ware. Most were drugged up just like her. In fact, Jay-Jay was so crazy he took a baseball bat and beat one of his girlfriend’s head in after completely destroying her vagina going in and out with the baseball bat. Jay- jay was sent away for a few years for that one and the innocent was safe for a little while. Then a few years after he was released his new girl friend shot him, due to his violate past she claimed self-defense and got away with it. My mother was always with her friends doing drugs I was always running up and down the street where we lived naked and fitly.
When I was about 3 my mother went to a bar one night with a friend. Her friend met a guy who had a friend, a nasty stinky friend. My mother could barley take the smell and hold her supper down when suddenly he said he worked! And not only did he work, he worked at Stove Woodward. She said she thought she could teach him to take a bath, brush his teeth, and use deodorant. The main thing is he works and at Stove Woodward. About three weeks later my mother was a bigamous. My mother was married to two men at the same time. I guess, it never dawned on her she was still married to Andre. Yeah, pretty freaky to be 5 years old waiting for the school bus when a man comes up to you and says he is looking for his daughter your sister and her mother, his wife when you thought your mama was your daddy’s wife.
When my mother married my new daddy we went from the projects to the Hood. In the 70’s the hood was were all the white potheads lived. My mother was so happy she had a man that worked all the time while she hung out with all her drug buddies. See my step daddy worked at night and sleep in the daytime. So my mama did drugs at night with her buddies and sleep with my step daddy in the daytime. Us kids ran the street. I was always fitly in nothing but my under ware. I remember one time a neibor asked would I like a ride on her bike? I said yes and climbed on to the handlebars. We rode and rode until we came to the black peoples part of town. I remember every body coming out on their porches as we drove by looking at us. I was only 3 1/2 years old. I had no Idea why every one was staring and whispering. In 1977 Georgia was still whites one place blacks another. So a Blond hair blue eyed little girl riding a filthy little mixed girl in nothing but panties on a bicycle in the middle of quote “nigger town” was a sight! Just when they thought we were heading home we met a car head on. The little girl slammed on breaks, the car slammed on breaks, and I went flying in the air and landed flat on my face into the cement. Suddenly all the people on the porches went into their houses. There I was cover in blood over
After all the hoodlums left we decide to make a homemade tent. I went in my house and got almost every cover I could find. I took a couple of trips because I was only 3 ½. On about the second trip John Boy’s brother who was about 24 stop me and asked what was I doing? I said making a tent. He asked if we were going to sleep in it to night? “I said “ yes we’re going to eat popcorn and “He Interrupted “ So can I come get me some to night” touching my cheeks I snatch away and continue taking the covers. I continued to walk thinking why is it always me having accidents why can’t John boy or his brother have an accident a big one that will take his pee-pee off so he cant put it in me anymore. Later that night when it got dark .My sister, the girl next door and I took cokes, popcorn, pretzels, and candles into this tent. I remember the pretzels distinctively because when I tried to eat it, it burnt my busted lip from flying off the handle bars. My sister said “you can’t eat salt with a busted lip stupid here all you can have is coke that’s the only thing we got without salt” We stayed up all night talking well they did I sleep most the night I was only 3 ½. I was asleep when my sister said, “get up I hear something, I think it is John boy and his brother, come on lets go in side.” We went straight into the kitchen my sister picked me up and put me on the counter in front of the window and brought me a sandwich. I sat there eating the best I could with a busted lip that by then was severely swollen. My sister help the neibor look threw her kitchen when suddenly I saw smoke boiling out of our homemade tent. So I said with my busted lip “da dent is on dire” “What” “DA DENT IS ON DIRE!” I pointed out the window. Walking toward the window my sister asked, “What did you saa THE TENT IS ON FIRE!” They ran out of the house screaming while I was trying to get down off the counter her parents came into the kitchen and asked, “What’s going on?” “da dent is on dire” “What” I pointed out the window and said “da dent is on dire” they looked out the window and screamed “THE TENT IS ON FIRE” They left me on the counter too. I ended up hitting my lip causing it to bleed again getting down. By the time I got down and out side everyone in the nieborhood was there. A few seconds later we heard a uuuuuhhhhhh sound coming from the woods near our house. That’s when we knew who had been playing with the candle and matches, my deaf stepbrother he was around 4 years old. Every body in the world knew he was a firebug in fact his nickname was firebug. Department of family and children services took him from his mother because her Mexican husband had been accused of abusing him, after my stepbrother had had stitches three times in his testicals before the age of 4 years old. My stepbrother also always drew his stepfather, his mother, brother, and sister in the bed together when asked to draw his family. My mother hated my stepbrother, I remember her locking him up in rooms. She claims it was to protect us from him.
Well, a few days after the tent incident, John boy’s brother had a motorcycle accident due to drugs and alcohol. Everyone said he had a crown with screws, screwed into his head. I thought, I bet that hurts worse than when he put his pee-pee in me. It tickled me so much I wanted to see him, but I knew if I went to his house and into his bedroom John boy would get me and sex me. Then I thought his brother which was about 24 years old would not be able do any thing in fact his pee-pee may have been skint off, that cement is hard. Shoot, I thought I had almost lost my lip the other day on a bicycle. I bet hitting cement from a speedy motorcycle would really take it off. That’s when I decide I had to go look at him. So I went, like always in nothing but my panties, no shoes nothing.
When I got there I went back to his bedroom where every kid in the hood was, asking questions. “Did it hurt” “does the screws go into your brain” “can you walk?” I asked did you skin-up your ding a ling? Every body laughed. I said it might fall off! Laughing. He said it want if you come over here and kiss it and make it better, good thing your magic lips didn’t fall off. Then he told John boy to get me. I jumped up and ran out side he chased me all around the house I was running when suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my foot I looked down and blood was every where, I had stepped on a broken beer bottle. I then began screaming because it was deep, long and I thought my whole foot was gone.
Now hopping from John boy I went home screaming for my mother hoping she was home, by luck they were pulling in the drive when I reached my house hopping and screaming. My mother cleaned my foot wrapped it up and told me to watch where the hell I was going. It Was not long after that John boy and his brother moved out and the Owens Family moved in, they had a son named Eddy he was about 8 years old because he was 5 years older than me. They told my mother about a Farm home loan where the Government gets you a loan and pays the notes and you pay the government 1/3 of your income. They showed the house they were having built. That’s when my mother had my stepfather to but in for a Farm home loan too. My mother choose to have our house built right beside there’s so we would be neibors when we moved. The house they had built got built first then a few months later ours was finish. Before we moved I remember an incident that happen. I came in one day from running the streets hungry, very hungry, so I climbed up the china cabinet that weighed about
A few days later we went to the grocery store. Us kids always had to wait in the car. I remember how hot it was this time I felt like I was going to die it seem like it was taking forever. When my sister said that’s it I am getting out! I say but momma told us to stay in the car. My sister said you don’t see her fat ass sitting in the hot ass car, shit she wont even sit in the back sit when nanny is with us. My sister got out of the car went to a coke machine, put money in and started to drink. Boy, it was tempting but I knew how mad my mom would be and I have always tried to make every one happy. Suddenly I saw momma heading toward the door thru the glass. I said hurry up she is coming, my sister hurried into the car easing the door shut because momma was close enough to hear the door shut. My momma was already mad because she spent more than twenty dollars. See, my momma had a Prostitute relationship with my stepfather she had to have sex for everything and it was all ways so much sex for so much money. My momma new she would have to deal with my step dad and was treading it. My momma started the car and we were off. She flew thru the parking lot around a curve in the parking lot. When all of a sudden my sister slid out the door grasping at any and everything to hold on. All of a sudden my sister was gone and I was slammed into the seat from my momma slamming on the breaks. My momma stop the car and got out when she saw the car was on top of my sister, she started screaming for May Lynn a neibor to get all us kids out of the car. We got out and got behind the car. I just stared at my sister screaming; while I screamed get it off momma! Get it off! My momma jumped into the car and gassed it, but the wheel just spun and spun like it was in the mud. My sister’s meat and blood was flying everywhere all over us. May Lynn and a man started screaming stop! Stop! You are killing her! The man got out of his car ran to his trunk and got out a jack. Ran over to the car, saying we have got to get it off of her before she dies! As he jacked the car up I just stood still staring covered in my sister’s meat and blood. Suddenly, May Lynn grabbed me. We all got into the car and flew to the hospital, with my momma’s head out the window screaming, get out of my god damn way!
After getting to the hospital, I remember my momma cussing at the police officers saying you god damn son of a bitch I dare you to even question me I told you what happen! Are you a fucking idiot, what damn fool would intentionally run her daughter over? You better go asked the damn people in the parking lot and get your shit straight before you get in my god damn face accusing me of child abuse.
Then the doctor came and got my mother and took her off where I could not see her any more. The police officer looked at me hard, and quiet. Then turn and walked away. I sat down in a chair in the waiting room and fell asleep, then I woke up with my head over my step dad shoulder hearing I can’t believe the God damn police have the damn nerve to accuse me of child abuse and try to say I am to blame! My step dad said Well, it is hard to believe she just slid out of the car fell up under the car, and by chance stops on her then, spins all the meat off her. Why did you gas it? Why didn’t you just roll it off of her? My momma screamed you don’t know what you would have done asshole. If you saw a car on you’re child with her screaming get it off you, you would have got it off as fast as you could. I dozed back off then waken back up again as my stepfather slid me into my bed, then dozing back off to sleep till morning. My sister wore bandages what seemed like for ever in fact she wore the same bandages until one day we went to the doctor where I heard my momma saying how the hell was I to know I was suppose to change the god damn bandages. I’ll never forget the way my sister screamed as they took the bandages off from where the skin and new meat had started growing over and into the bandages. I sat in the waiting room, holding my ears, crying, as she screamed out in terrible pain.
Finally, our house was built and we moved to the country, right beside the Owens. It had been almost a year since the Owens had moved into their house and Eddie had every thing a trampoline, go-cart and even a mini-bike. My sister who had just recovered from momma running over her said she knew how to ride a mini bike. Which she did she just didn’t know how to stop riding a mini bike. So, she got on and rode and rode until she screamed where is the breaks as she ran in to a picnic table throwing her about
I began to stay at the Owens house all day every day until the Benson Show came on which was mid-night. My momma became depressed away from all her drug buddies and began to sleep 24 hr a day 7 days a week and would cussed be out, telling me to go to Eddy’s house and play. So, I began being a good little girl who always tried to please my momma and stayed at Eddy’s house all the time even though he was sexually abusing me. I really begin to believe I was less at least Eddy and his momma looked like me, since they were American Indian. Everywhere we went people thought I was their little girl. When we went to paw-wows on the Indian reservation I danced with the Indians for the tourist and got good tips because they thought I was just the cutest little Indian girl. After the treatment I got from my momma’s family I felt happy with them. I didn’t like the sex part but hey the sex part was apart of life at least that I thought. Everybody I had been around had sex with everybody and it also was how women earn their needs and wants. I could earn by own and help my momma out or stay home with her bitching and raising hell about what all I cost her and how she had to screw my stepfather for everything I got. I remember watching my stepfather have sex with my momma while she would lie while reading a book and she sometimes would say ouch you God damn son of bitch you meant to hurt me! You like to hurt me don’t you? I knew how bad it hurt me to have sex and it hurt to see my momma have to do that all because of me. Hearing my stepfather say things like if my momma didn’t give it to him somebody had to scared me especially after I saw how big it was when the china cabinet fell on me. I rather have to have sex with a person who took me out to eat, on vacation, and had a trampoline, a mini-bike, a go-carts, Atari games, and a swimming pool, besides a little girl who loves her momma will try to please her momma no matter what. I was being a good girl. I was staying out of my momma way. I earn my own way and I was proving somebody was able to love me like she always said nobody would. So I thought I was doing my part. So from about 4 to 12 I was Eddy’s sex slave I spent most my life tied to a bed licked and sexed. It was so bad that I would go into like a psychosis were I was not a ware of reality and was in a fantasy world of song and dance.
When I was 8 years old my stepfather got mad at me one day and chased me to my room where I was trapped he then picked me up and threw me onto my bed, I bounced up on to the side of the wall bouncing back down on the bed. My right side began to hurt and continue to hurt worst and worst until about 3 months later I could not walk straight. I ended up missing the school bus and took to school with my mother telling the teacher I was a faker. I remember after going to the restroom and I was unable to walk straight back to the classroom. So the teacher paddled me. Then she said since I was so sick I could not go to recess. I was so glad! I slept the whole time they were out side. It was a miracle I woke up when the teacher woke me up to go home. Because when I went to step up on to the bus I passed out! I remember two boys by the name of Brent Evens and David Pitts caring me the best they could to the principles office crying and saying she said she was dieing but nobody listen! Now she is dead! I was later took to the hospital were I under went emergency surgery. Where the doctor Dr Hunter fought my appendix had flipped twisting the circulation off causing the appendix to die and rot, setting up gangrene then infecting my blood stream causing me to go into toxic shock.
Even though it seems as the devil had me in the mist of hell God sent a seed that would not bloom until June of 2001. This seed came to me when a family came and invited me to church when I was about 9 years old to vacation bible school where I saw a way of life that looked like what I wanted I could not explain in words what it was about that family but I knew the way my inside felt around them was how I wanted to feel forever. I did not realize then it was simple because they talked to me like I was a human not a spic, nigger, wop, or sex slave. But I was told there was a God and if you followed his ten rules you could go to heaven no matter who you was or what you was. So I asked God to come into my heart and save me. I was baptized and that’s when I first began to buck the abuse.
Before I was quote “saved” I had just laid when my cousins had had sex with me. I had gotten drunk every time we went to my grandmothers house. Beer had been but in our bottles as babies. I use to serve beer and moonshine to the men at my grandfathers poker ring for tips in between rounds. See, the door was looked when the game was on. I also gathered the beer bottles on Sundays and sold them for return. I had played with the chickens by letting them fight pretending to bet on the chickens like my paw-paw had done. But by a miracle ten laws had came to me changing my life. I did not get much in that 2 weeks but I got enough that made me a moral person. While I began to give my abuser a hard time and have my mother accused me of not being able to get along with any one This same man that took me to church, saved my life three years later when he fount me in a ditch with my head completely laid open.
When I was about twelve my mother had a sports car with only two seats. My mother would always put me in the trunk of the car. One day my sister put me in the trunk and she fell asleep at the wheel. Where the car went on to the other side of the road and hit a car head on. Since the trunk was open behind the bucket seats of the sports car I flew between the bucket seats through the windshield and landed in the ditch. This had happened on highway sixteen in Brooks Georgia in the middle of nowhere. It was late at night when no traffic was out. By a miracle the same man that took me to vacation Bible School had just gotten off of work in Coweta county and was on his way home, when he saw the accident. He was a paramedic and still had his radio. So he radioed in for help. I had suffered severe injuries. I was flown by helicopter to Scottish rite. My brain had swollen so severely they had to sew my head up with out Anastasia due to the severity of swelling. A side effect from Anastasia is swelling and since my brain was in danger of rupturing the doctors decided that to increase my change of servile would be to sew my head up with out Anastasia. So I was placed in a straight jacket with me fighting because I had amnesia and had no idea who I was, where I was at, what had happen, I even remember not remembering what a human being was. All I understood was all these things was coming at me trying to trap me down and hurt me. There was one of these things that seem to be nice It kept hallowing at them and reaching for me It crabbed my hand and hugged me crying and was fighting with the others but they took the nice one away. I later learnt that nice one was my drunk granny and she was screaming “ you god damn son of bitches why hell can’t you give her any god damn Anastasia!” They then put me in a straight jacket then strapped the bed strappes on me and began to sew up my head from the forehead to the backside of by head. After the first few stitches I was out. I was told I went out due to the pain. All I know is that I woke up later in a hospital bed blind and was freezing. The first thing I thought was I have no underwear and that all the doctors know I am a whore because with all these tubes up me they had to have seen. I had always heard doctors could tell. So I began to ask for underwear. I was told I would have to have my mother bring me some. One morning while I was in the hospital still blind my uncle Wendell and Paw-Paw came by before going to work for about five minutes. They woke me up and Wendell gave me a teddy bear with a heart that said your special in fact I still have that teddy bear to this day. I remember him asking you mean you can’t see us? I said no but I hear you and feel you rubbing his hand with mine. I believe he was crying it sounded like a whimper to me but he wouldn’t admitted it if his life depended on it. They said they had to go to work they were late but I believe that’s when their heart changed a little toward people of color. I believe they left because they were getting all choked up and Men don’t cry. That was the first time my uncle and Paw-Paw had not said a nigger, spic, or wop joke to me. In fact seems like that’s about the time when they started calling me Dierdre instead my little wop or my little brown jug. My other uncle Charles came by a few minutes one day and gave me a book the little red ridding hood and left some balloons. I remember the balloons because the day I began to see again I looked at the balloons and saw my reflection and cried I looked like franky seine. I ask again for some under ware but one nurse said ain’t you got a momma and the other nurse called her out of the room getting on to her. I heard her saying my god the girl is almost dead and I have not seen any one even come to see her. See most of the other kids in the hospital had their family seat with them in fact if it would have been one of the white kids in our family it would have been different. It wasn’t that big of a deal to me because then I didn’t know any different that’s just the way it was and at that time still did not know who I was. The Doctors made me go to the playroom I hated going to the playroom. I would walk in and every one got quiet and stared. It was bad enough to be in this condition but to hear everyone whisper about how nobody has even came to see if I was still alive and what kind of people would put their child in a trunk. Between the stares, the whispering, and the fact it drove me crazy not having clothes and doctors looking and touching at me and thinking they know I am a whore, all I wanted to do was roll up in a ball and disappear. After being made to go into the play room I sat down at the piano as everyone stared I punched a few keys then punched about eleven all at the same time and looking around at the people staring with by eyes as big as I could make them. The straining of by eyes made a pulling pain on the side of my head but I did it anyway to sort of say to the people enough all ready. That’s when one of the doctors came and sat down beside me I looked to the floor because I remember feeling scared in a funny way. Later I remembered why it was because looking me in the eyes was always how men did before they would have sex with me. He began to play the piano on one side and showed me some key to play on the other as we began to play his hand ended up on mine and I jerked it back, I looked at him, then quickly looked to the floor pulling away from him. I could feel every one starring at me. I wished I could disappear. I stared at the floor till the doctor left. I then got up and went to my room as I left the whispers began. The day came when I got to go home. The nurses said my father was coming to pick me up, I could not remember who he was or what he looked like so it was weird .It was like I had no feelings. The only time I felt any thing was when men got close and people stared at me whispering. I couldn’t then remember why or understand anything. It is hard to understand I know even for me. Even though at that time I had amnesia and could not remember any thing but how to talk. I still felt dirty and scared of men and that every one knew I was a whore. I did feel a since of security when my step father got to the hospital because he had some clothes I could not button the pants and the shirt was tight from the swelling but I felt better. We soon left the hospital to go pick up my mother from Emory hospital. My mother had been in the hospital when we had the wreck. Remember when I said my mother could barley hold her supper down when she meet my stepfather well when we moved out in the country away from her drug buddies she got where she never took a bath either and even got where she never got out of bed in fact she got up to almost
As everyone stared I ate my fist Whopper with a large fry and coke leaving no left over.
When I got home I took a bath I laid down in the hot soothing water then sat up when I looked down I screamed the tub was full of bloody water I jumped up then realized it was from all the dried blood in the half of my hair that was left. So I unplugged the tub and took a shower instead. As I started remembering my past. I started getting an attitude with everyone in my family. They say head injuries that sever change people’s character well if so I went from a cowed down whipped puppy dog to a very angry person. It was like when I remembered all this I was mad at everyone for what they had done to me. I started standing up to everyone. The fact I had never lived with them was also a part of the problem because up to about 3 weeks before the wreck I had lived with the neibors who was American Indians. I had already stood up for my self a little by refusing to move with the Owens to the Indian reservations. I guess the hit in the head brought on out the rest of my “I ain’t taken it any more” attitude. I lived with my mother for about maybe 8 months after the accident. That’s about the most time I ever spent there. My mother never took me back for by check up like she was suppose to in fact she took out the stitches her self. She woke us up and we all got ready to go to the check up appointment but right before we walked out the door the doctors office called and said the doctor’s mother had died and we would have to reschedule. My mother cussed the lady on the phone out and said to hell with them, took out my stitches her self and she went back to bed. The next day I went to school.
On my first day back I got in a fight, I mean kicked some butt! As I walked in the school every one stared and got quiet who knows why but I figure it was because not ever day you see a little girl with half her head shaved and a big cut mark all the way down the side. The reason I got in the fight was because a little boy came to me and said this is my sit now. The teacher said yes Damien but now she is back and you’ll have go back to your sit. Then Ken the boy behind me said why could not you have died like they say you were. I stood up griped both sides of his desk and dump him over desk and all when he jumped up hit me in the head making my scare bleed when suddenly we both were hitting each other until the teacher separated us. We then went to the restroom as a class. In side the restroom two girls name Jennifer and Melissa told me that while I was gone they had caught a nigger watching all us girls in the restroom and that they had told every one about it and they went home and told there mothers and now all the parents were going to make all the niggers to leave. I said even Mrs. Finley. They said no just the men. How come all of them? because all we could see that it was a nigger in janitor clothing who knows which one since they all look alike. A few days later I was called out of class by the principle and told that she had a problem. She said the library was full of angry parents about niggers watching us use the rest room and that she would have to tell my parents about my lying. First about me clamming they abuse me and now this about niggers watching us use the restroom. I said but I never said I saw any one watching us. It was Jennifer and Melissa I still have a letter with them telling me about it. I went and got the letter she read it and ripped it up she then said If you do not go in that library and tell all those parents you started this rumor and that it is all a lie and you are sorry I going to call your parents and tell them about you saying they abuse you and you are the one who started all these rumors. I remember how the year before when a lady from the department and children services came and showed us some videos about sexual, physical, and emotional abuse. Later on after the videos we all went to the bathroom and I told all the girls about I thought I was being abused then the next day in the bathroom a girl told me she told her mom and she said I needed to tell if I did not tell she would. So I went into a bathroom stall and did not come out. The class waited and waited outside the bathroom till the teacher sent a little girl to tell me to come out. I remember the little girl said just go tell her you might get to live with her. So I walk out of the bathroom crying and walk up to the front of the line where the teacher was and said I am… the teacher said what wrong sweetie then suddenly I busted out crying I am abused! The teacher sent the class to the room and took me to the principle where she told the principle about what I said then I was took to a room and I sat scared to death alone for about 30 minutes, then the principle came in and told me you do know some kids deserve to have their butts tore up! I just looked at her scared to death and did not say a word she then said you may go back to your class now. So I did. It had never been talked about again until now. As I remember I said ok. We then went to the library and I stood in front of all the parents of the school and said I was the one who said the janitor was watching us and it was all a lie and I was sorry with a shaved head even though I had been in the hospital when this all began.
Was not long till all my memory had come back all accept about 3 months before the wreck. Though I was the same person it was like I was someone else that had been zapped into someone else body. As I remembered I did not feel the hurt of the axsual events but later begin to feel the pain because this was my life and family. And could not zapped into another body or life that was better, like I had seem to have done as I woke up in the hospital. The person that had lived before January
It took about 8 months for all the memory to come back and that was about when I enter into the 7th grade even though I had been in the hospital most of the 6th. I had an attitude with all the people that had done me wrong maybe I had reason to dislike everyone because of what had been done to me but my attitude made my problems worse. After the wreck I refused to let any one have sex with me. So I had a lot of problems with my family. I hated this life I just woke up too. Most of my 7th grade I spent in a mental hospital because one day my step father pulled a knife on me and started saying he would kill me I grabbed a knife too because he had always used what ever he grabbed when he was angry on me and in a very brutal way, So, I pulled a knife in self-defense but as he walk toward me I walked backward until I backed into the wall. I slid down the wall in the floor, dropped the knife, and balled up into a ball and prayed he would kill me and not leave me suffering. When he started kicking me all over It took a while fore me to even realize I was not stabbed all over he had just kick the mess out of me. He told my mother she had to choose between him and me, so my mother had me committed. I spent most of seventh grade in a mental hospital.
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