Chapter 6: Living as an illegal
As, I stood in the rain watching them drive away my heart was shattered. The thing my mother had always told me was true “I could not get along with anyone” and “no one would ever love me”. Top it off she was standing on the porch with a told you so demeanor saying see, I told you, and I can’t believe you just let him take you for 10,000 dollars. As I thought the only reason you’re mad is because I did not let you take it from me. Was when she said, “SHIT? You should have given it to me! I am you damn mama!” That the first time I ever really remember crying. I am not talking little tears like all the time some one had sex with me but really boo-hoo. The Boo-hoo was not for Shahib Siddique at all but for the illusion I had, had of having a family and been accepted. Even though I would have had to been a Muslim and deny being any white American I wanted to belong at least somewhere. I fount being what ever a person wanted me to be, easy. Eddy Owen always had me play sex games like I was Daisy Duke or a cashier and he was daisy’s kidnapper or a robber/ rapist. I taught young to enjoy the positive of everything. At least when we played these game I was not tied up, at the beginning any way. I guess that’s why I began to blame by self. I began to think I over reacted about him butchering the cat. I always wonder do I over react? But one thing for sure I could not take my mother’s bitching and insults so I left the next day back to
The Hispanic male asked where your mama is. I said my mama is mean. He then said and your father? I said I do not know who my father is. And we all surta laughed. I then said he was supposed to have been Italian but who knows? He then said I knew you were Latino. He asked me did I sleep in my car. I said in an embarrassed way yes. He said he lived with a family and that I could stay with them. So, I followed him to this house. Well, it was a family, all male teen-age cousins. This Hispanic male that fount me was name Commando and drove me around the Hispanic niebor hood with pride. The first few nights everything was cool he did not do any thing funny but about the third night, I could tell he wanted something. So I stayed out side talking to a guy name Pablo. Suddenly Commando looked at me with a come inside nudge. That’s when I decided to leave and go sleep in my car. As I started to leave Pablo said in broken English “that ass whole want sex you”. I just stood there quite I had no idea how to responded. When all of a sudden Pablo started to scream out in Spanish “ get you god damn ass out here!” when he came out on the porch, Pablo looked at me as he started up the stairs and said, “ I no like this asshole anyway”
Then Commando said “you think me stupid, you sex Pablo”. When all of a sudden a fight broke out with Pablo telling Commando to get the hell out of this house. Pablo then told me I did not have to have sex with any one.
And as we entered the house he took some covers and but them on a couch in front of the other couch where he slept and said “let one ass hole come mess we her and see if I do not whoop his ass” I laid down on the couch in shock and did not know what to say or do. I woke up the next morning late due to all the time I stayed outside the night before talking to Pablo avoiding Commando. When I woke up and saw how late I was and only had 30 minutes to get to school I said in Urdu, what is equivalent to SHIT! Pablo began to laugh and I hurried off to school. For about one month every day was the same. I woke went to school came home and cooked. Then after we ate we all went to the park to play basketball. Pablo worked in the field planting tomatoes and was paid by acreage and had a plan on getting me to be his girl. So he decided to come home early everyday before his cousins so he could get some time in alone with me. After about a month he came home with some fishing poles and took me to the farmer’s field were we went fishing. Suddenly he gave me kiss on the lips. I froze as he grasped my hand and we left holding hands. Later that night he took the cushions off the couches and put them together in the floor making a big bed in the floor. I knew what this meant. So I began to think. And as I thought I decided that I’d probably never find another who does not push his self on me and I going to have to have sex one day so I laid down with him. In the morning everything changed. He began to act like he owned me. He said he would take care of me and there was no need for me to go to school. So instead of school I went to work with him in the fields until one day I began to faint. Pablo called me lazy and said I had to stay in a motel he had rented closer to the fields. So the next 3 weeks I stayed home on the 3rd week I began to have abdominal pains real sever. Pablo took me to the emergency room where I was told I was pregnant. Three days later I had a miscarriage. See, for the 3 weeks Pablo went to work he had not brought me any thing to eat. And with me as cowed down as I was I just waited in the motel like I had always waited as a child for someone to bring me something to eat. I was not tied up but I was emotional screw up.
At that time I still was unable to think for my self. Since Pablo did not react I did not react. I had always done and thought like every one else wanted me to. Not even the concept of thinking by my self had ever crossed my mind. So I went on as usual except now, I went to the field and picked tomatoes with Pablo. And since I was not pregnant I did not faint plus when he stopped at the store to buy something to eat he bought me food too. I guess the reason he did not feed me before was because of “out of sight out of mind”. I learnt real quickly as long as I was with him I would eat well. So I made sure I kept up with the rest. If I heard Jose picked 100 buckets yesterday I made damn sure I picked 101 that day. Shit! I had stayed in one room waiting for a man to bring me food and have sex with me all my life. It was a hell of a lot better working in the hot ass sun not getting paid. So, every day we woke up early, stopped by the store for coffee and Mexican sweet bread. Then went to the fields. One day Pablo said he wanted me to grade tomatoes instead of pick. He said it was a lot of sun and work for women. But now, I look back he was jealous. I think when May got there and all the seasonal Mexicans began to pile in the fields, he wanted me grading tomatoes so I would be working alone side him, where he could see what was being said to me. The problem was I was to screwed-up emotionally to grade. See, a grader had to take each bucket of tomatoes and decide witch box the tomatoes went in. They were little green one, big green ones, little red ones, big red ones, and end betweens ones. When Pablo saw me crying and scared to death unable to decide where each tomato belongs. He told me to get the hell back into the field. So I went back to picking tomatoes. That was easy all I had to do was put all the tomatoes on the vine into a bucket then tow the bucket to the man on back of the truck and say “ES DE PABLO”. I later learnt I was telling the man to count that bucket as a Pablo bucket so Pablo got paid for the buckets instead of me. Not only did he get paid for my work he drove my car as if it was his. In fact he later traded it for an old work van so he could be a Forman. The Mexicans got paid for tomatoes; the Mexicans have to supply the truck or van to haul the tomatoes. So once we got the van, we would wake up even earlier every morning go to the motels pick up a van load of Mexican men and go to the fields. If we had 8 Mexicans and picked 1000 boxes witch we got paid
That night after picking the last few tomatoes Pablo took me home. He told me he was going to pay his worker and would be back in a little while. At about 11:00pm I was almost a sleep when a farmers daughter who had left home with a Mexican and stayed next door came knocked on my door. She asked me “Do you know where they are at” I said “who?” “Pablo and Johnny” I said “no” She said “at the tidy bar” I asked “what’s a tidy bar” She said “where girls get naked for men” I said “where” She told me where, so I decided to go to the tidy bar to see if it was true. I got one of the guys to drop me off. As I walk in, the first thing I noticed was women dress in sexy clothes. Not one was completely naked but they did not leave much for the imagination. I finally saw Pablo in the back at a table with a bunch of other Mexicans. I walk over to where he was. When all of a sudden he got up and left. Due to the fact the guy who brought me had just dropped me off I was stranded. A pregnant prostitute by the name of Gail said she would take me home. I knew her because Isaiah, Pablo’s cousin used to come with her to our hotel to buy a chemical formula I made to kill scabies once a week. I use to make a killing of that stuff selling it to Mexicans before they out law the selling of sulfur over the counter. When I got to Pablo’s room, he would not open the door. So, I went home with this Gail. She lived with this old Mexican who was about 50 years old. She also was quote the “girl friend” of Pablo’s cousin, Isaiah. Plus she was a prostitute at Maker Motel with my distant cousins Donna and Melinda. Pablo always told me not to ever go off with her or my distant cousins; they were not a good influence. Gail told me he was just jealous of me and was scare she would teach me stuff I needed to know. Like how much he exploited me. I told her I liked the idea of him being jealous. She said she knew the owners at the bar real well and could get me a job there. She said she could dress me up, where it knocks his socks off. I then asked her what exploited meant. She said, “Use you to work while he gets paid for it.” I’ll never forget how the men reacted when I walked in the room dress in a sexy teddy. It was like I was a magnet and they were medal. It was like I was a movie star being mobbed by crazy fans. See, the rest of the women were ugly. I mean most were fat or had no teeth. Even Gail her teeth were real bad almost black. The farmer’s daughter said she looked like she had been ridden hard and laid up wet. I had no idea at that time what that meant, but I could tell it was not nice so I kept it to myself. In the dressing room all the girls were smoking pot. They told me to try some. I said, “I did not like pot.” Loretta said, “I bet you have not even tried it” I said “no, but I know I do not like it”. They kept on and on till finally I grasped the joint and puffed, not inhaling I blew it out and said, “There I do not like it” A girl said “you did not even inhale” then Loretta said “leave her alone”. All the girls took turns dancing on a pole in sexy teddies up the crack of their butt. They never got naked because the county would not have it. I still do not know why they call it a tidy bar more like a booty bar. Later that night I decided instead of going home with Loretta I would just go back with Pablo. When I got there it was about 200am but he still was not home. So I sat in front of the door till he got home. When he got home he said he did not want me no more, he did not like whores. So I asked him “why were you at the tidy bar?” He said “looking for work, now the tomatoes are gone we need to find work somewhere else” He then Said I am leaving for South Carolina in about 3 hours I was going to take you but now that you became a prostitute with Loretta, for get it” So I begged and begged till finally he let me in the room. We started kissing when I remembered what Loretta had told me, she had said “the only way to keep a man from leaving you is to put it on him. I mean ride him like a cowgirl.” So, well, you can imagine. All of a sudden Pablo busted out laughing because it was obviously more funny and ridiculous than sexually exciting. He said, “What is this” I was quiet. He said real firm “who taught you this?” then real mean he said “who taught you this” Crying I said “ you said you were going to leave and Loretta said that if I want a man not to leave me I had to ride him like a cowgirl and put it on him like no one has. He just laughed. Then he got serious and he said, “If you ever go off with that whore or even talk to her we are threw.” He grasped me by my hair and said”If you ever be with anyone beside me that is it!” “ And if I ever see you dressed up like a whore I’ll beat your ass” By then our ride to
Half way there we rented a hotel. I was a sleep we I heard noises that woke me up. Pablo told me to get up and come out side now! We sat down out side on the stairs right in front of the door. I was asking Pablo what was happening when I heard moaning and groaning. I said “he is hurting her!” when Pablo started laughing saying “She likes it” As I sat there I listening to this moaning and groaning of sex, Thoughts ran thru my head. How could some one like that? They sound like dogs. Then I thought what if one day Pablo wanted me to have sex with everyone like Melinda, Donna, Gail and Stephanie. Pablo could tell something was wrong with my look. I suddenly got overwhelmed. Pablo said “what is it?” Very cowed, I said” I am not going to do THAT.” He laughed. I got mad because he laughed and said “I mean it!” With nobody! Just you! And not like that! And not in front of people! He put his hand on me and I pulled away. I said “It is not funny!” That was when he explains that’s why he did not want me with Gail or any of them. He said that was why he knew he had to protect me from Commando he would have sold me. He said he could tell I was different. He then asked me “Have I asked you to have sex with any one else? Why do you think I brought you out side? We then went back in to the hotel. I took the blanket and rolled up like a Taco. Pablo just laughed I looked at him with a “is not funny” kind of look and went back to sleep. The next day Juan (who real name was Albino) and Pablo was arguing in Spanish. Pablo was mad at Juan for doing that in front of me. I just starred out the window watching the white people in the truck we were following. They kept looking at me smiling. I could tell they were talking about me laughing. We met them at the gas station to take us to the mountains for work when I heard them talking, saying that green card is faker than shit! That girl isn’t seventeen. I just pretend I did not understand. I did that a lot just pretend you do not understand and listen. People talk in front of you if they think you do not understand. The good thing was they did not care all our green cards were fake and they talk about me as being “cute”. At the next station GrengoWilly said we were almost to his house so they got some beer. GrengoWilly just laughed when I put up my candy and chocolate milk on the counter for them to pay for. As we went back to the car I heard him laughing and saying to his son and his son’s wife “looks like Juan got his woman from the whorehouse and Pablo got his from the Candy store.” Then while everyone else Drank beer, smoke pot and played poker, I stay out playing with the dogs. On the way to
He took the pillow off me but still I could not breathe well. I then became-up set in disbelief he had just smothered me with a pillow. Being up-set made be go in to the worst asthma attack I have ever had in my life. I could not breathe at all! I became black! So Pablo screamed for Juan and they took me in the truck driving like idiots to try to find a hospital.
I was black, blue and purple and could not breath at all I thought I going to die when all off a sudden I puked up all the flam in my throat that had been bubbling in my wind pipe preventing me from being able to breath. When I got to the Hospital the Doctor told me I was allergic to pot. That even though I had not inhaled it just being in the same room could kill me. I then said “So If I were to smoke it, inhaling a full toke, I would more than likely really die quick.” The doctor then said “your best bet it not to be around pot” The doctor gave me breathing treatment all night till a machine said I was receiving enough oxygen. Pablo manipulated the whole situation had convince me it was all because I had went will Gail the night before we came to South Carolina.
That may have started it but the fact they kept smoking it around me did not help and what about him smothering me with pillow. At first he denied it. He said I dreamed him smothered me but later he admitted he smothered me and said he was just tired of me keeping him up all night. GrengoWilly was a cable contractor. He had contracted with an Apartment complex and needed to run cable under the road. The problem was that they use to be a swimming pool that had been filling up with cement there. So under the road was about 10 to 15 feet of cement. Being they had to drill a whole in an angle on one side that would have the drill go completely under the 9 foot cement and come out on the other side. If anyone knows any thing about angular metrics can imagine how deep the hole we had to dig by hand to find the drill on the other side would be DEEP. Anyone with any since would also know there is a special way to dig a whole that DEEP, to prevent a “CAVE IN”. GrengoWilly knew this. Why you think he went and got some dumb Mexicans who didn’t. Being able to dig a 30 to 40 foot whole in a day was one thing but being stupid enough to do it with out an expert was another. I can remember after the 4 foot wide whole got around 12 feet, I looked down at Pablo then asked GrengoWilly “isn’t this dangerous? Isn’t there a special way to do this? Then Juan pulled Pablo out of the whole with Pablo saying “Why you think his ass isn’t down here”
Then Juan said “GrengoWilly might eat hot peppers but he still a damn gringo”
Then GrengoWilly asked what they were saying I said “man that is deep” as I looked down into it. Pablo snapped at me saying “ get your ass back from there if it were to cave in it would kill you.” Then GrengoWilly said “yeah you do not want to fall in.”
It got so deep that when they hit the drill with wire Pablo almost could not get out of the hole. We were about to call for help when Pablo said “give me a hammer” He took the hammer and make holes in the side of the dirt to put his feet in and use as stairs.
THE REST IS A STORY THAT WILL
HELP AMERICA SEE HOW THE DE FACT SYSTEM THAT LET THE MYARTERS BEABLE TO GET CARS, HIDE ILEGALY AND EVEN GET THE TICKETS TO DO SEPT 11.
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